VINCIT QUI SE VINCIT

I remember many conversations, most with good friends, about whether people really change. As we examined our lives, more often then not we would find that our most destructive habits were our most loyal partners, staying with us through the thick and thin.

Nonetheless, I would contest the most ardent champions of the status quo. Not because I had personal experiential evidence to contradict what appeared to be a foregone conclusion; rather something deep inside me was repulsed by the idea - there were so many things I wanted to change about myself, to think that I am stuck with "me" for the rest of my life was too demoralizing to internalize.

As I peruse our bookshelves, I quickly find ample evidence at the various attempts to prove my friends wrong. From secular giants of self improvement: pioneer of personal empowerment Dale Carnegie, master of developmental paradigms Stephen Covey (I have 4 of his books); and a more impressive collection of Jewish sages: The Path of the Just, The Ways of the Tzaddikim, Duties of the Heart, Nefesh HaChaim, Derech Hashem; followed by some writings of modern Jewish thinkers: Everyday Holiness, Conversations with Yourself.

But a couple of years later, having browsed through some and thoroughly studied others of the above mentioned manuscripts, I unfortunately still lack the confidence to say that I was able to overcome even a single serious deficiency.

In Judaism, the above challenge is embodied in the יצר הרע (Yetzer Hara, "Evil Inclination"). The Yetzer is not an all powerful Satanic force. On the contrary, as Ramchal explains in Derech Hashem, it is an existential part of every one of us:

Man is the creature created for the purpose of being drawn close to G-d. He is placed between perfection and deficiency, with the power to earn perfection. Man must earn this perfection, however, through his own free will.…Man's inclinations are therefore balanced between good (Yetzer HaTov) and evil (Yetzer HaRa), and he is not compelled toward either of them. He has the power of choice and is able to choose either side knowingly and willingly…

Not only is man then capable of changing himself, it is in fact the ultimate purpose of his existence. This is why it is hopeless of find evidence of progress when one simply goes through the motions. Fighting the Yetzer Hara is hard work, and requires a well thought out design and a tremendous amount of will power. If your will power is in the domain of your Yetzer Hara, as it is clearly the case for me, the problem appears to be NP-Complete, which is why I'm still no better off then a Traveling Salesman.